Freedom to be human

Being human often means there are a couple of things about us that aren’t so pretty. Yet these things are our natural survival tools, we cannot live without them no matter how much we try to disguise them. And it’s harder hiding them when you’re in a long-term relationship – I’m talking about everything “nasty” that comes out of us. Vulgar language doesn’t even pass as “nasty” in comparison to what I’m about to speak about. But before I get there, I’d like to draw your attention to when you first started sleeping over at your boyfriend’s place.

The awkward beginning

Now that you’ve been seeing this guy for a while and he finally asks you to be his girlfriend. You celebrate with your girlfriends over the news and now you become more open about all the things you had been hesitant about prior to going official. One of those things happens to be sleeping over – the sleepover is now longer than just one night – it’s for a weekend, and that means making sure certain things are up to par.

Those things are: your hair and nails, sexy underwear (or none), waxed legs, vagina and armpits, and lastly perfume. A full bag of a change of clothes is only necessary if you guys plan to adventure out otherwise his wardrobe will suffice. However, these things are easy to organize, the part that isn’t easy to plan for is all the “nasty” bits I spoke about earlier. The “nasty” bits that really let you know the truth about your partner. By “nasty” I’m talking about farting, shitting and everything in-between.

Farting, shitting and everything in-between

Ladies, you know how we delicately try to release a fart without all the sound effects and the potential evacuation of a room because of the accompanying smell. Yet sometimes even with our best clench of the bum and slow release, it can still lead to a pop sound and stink bomb that can either leave you straight-faced or laughing to yourself. My boyfriend sent me this cartoon (pictured below) saying this is how my attempt at farting subtly actually affects him. Personally, I think he’s exaggerating.

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Or using a 100 sheets of toilet paper to numb out sounds of shitting isn’t an automatic thought anymore, as opposed to before he asked you to be his girlfriend. And the occasional surprising quiff (i.e. fanny fart) isn’t so awkward after sex. Even being sick and having dry snort becomes a cute exchange of digging in each other’s noses to remove everything from sight. Although, this may sound gross and disgusting these are the human traits we can never hide from ourselves or our partners. These are the things that allow us to become more vulnerable and establish a loving relationship.

My first sleepover at my boyfriend’s place was nothing out of the ordinary since I had been going over to his place anyways. As things progressed it wasn’t just for one night anymore, it was for a weekend and I’ll be honest it was a weekend escape I had been planning for, I was just waiting for him to make things official. Anyway, he made me one of his delicious suppers and we proceeded to watch a movie with some popcorn and wine. Besides wine making you hornier the shit also makes you pee a lot, so that means using his toilet.

Prior to this, toilet breaks were always done before getting to his house so that there wasn’t that awkwardness of him hearing me pee but if I needed to go, I’d position myself in such a way that my pee hits the bowl and not the water. Similarly if I needed to shit then it would be the rolling of the 100 sheets of toilet paper to insure no sounds were heard and opening of the window, so no air-freshener could disclose my crime. Then it’s the matter of brushing our teeth; honestly in the beginning neither of us brushed our teeth in front of the other. However, this façade of trying to avoid sharing our “nasty” sides slowly faded as our relationship progressed and we started forgetting the bullshit rules we’d put up.

Freedom to be human

Everything I’ve mentioned above, amongst other things, becomes the unspoken – but clearly communicated – building blocks of a healthy foundation to a long-term relationship. Being vulnerable enough to share this part of yourself makes it less disgusting and more human, in fact these are the things you guys can joke about without offending one another. The truth is no matter how much we perfect our external looks, our internal makeup will forever remain the same, so no point in running away from who you truly are.

Love and Happiness,



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