A few weeks before I had started writing exams, a girlfriend was telling me about a party she had attended where the popular topic of ‘cheating’ had been brought up. She – like myself – doesn’t condone the idea, yet the ladies at the party were either involved with someone who cheats or wouldn’t be phased if their boyfriend were to cheat.
Personally, I make it clear to my person before they want to date me that I won’t tolerate cheating, therefore I expect honesty and no bullshit. Otherwise, they are welcome to end the relationship before it even starts or breakup with me when they feel it’s not working. I’m like this because I’ve cheated on a boyfriend in the distant past and I didn’t like the feeling afterwards. I also didn’t like the fact that my friends at the time, who saw me cheat, kept advising me that I shouldn’t tell my then boyfriend about it. More about my dislike of cheating later, back to the party.
At the party one of the ladies had revealed that she had found out that her boyfriend was cheating on her and that she had thought about confronting him but chose not to. Her reasoning was, she could live with knowing that her man cheats because it’s easier than finding a man who doesn’t, especially when you’re older than 27. The other ladies seemed to agree with her and understood where she was coming from. My girlfriend was more in disbelief about the agreement amongst the ladies and chose to listen instead of putting up her opposing view. Some of the ladies who shared in the sentiment also revealed stories about their boyfriends cheating on them and how they felt they had to remain in the relationship because of a child being involved or financially it made more sense to be with him than separated.
My main question for us as ladies is, when does one say “fuck this, I’m leaving”? Or “I’m willing to stay because”. What is the present day deal breaker aka final straw? I remember having this conversation with girlfriends and I was arguing that I was brought up on old school values that one leaves when someone has cheated. They responded by saying that those values worked for my parents and that it doesn’t mean it applies today since cheating isn’t such a bad thing, it’s expected from men, so I should be more open to forgiving him. For one of my girlfriends she felt her relationship was strictly between her and her man so even if he cheats that’s for them to resolve in their relationship without other people’s opinions. Another felt she would be forgiving because she’s cheated before so this would be her karma, however, she wouldn’t remain if it was a constant thing.
Not for me
I cannot speak on baby mammas having to deal with a cheating baby daddy, however, I can speak on my interpretation of cheating. The day after I committed my adultery, against the advice of my then friends, I chose to tell my then boyfriend that I had kissed and spent the weekend with another guy. Initially, he was upset and didn’t speak to me for a week but then he came back saying he was grateful I had told him instead of finding out from other people. Long story short that relationship ended a few days after he came back, however, the lessons from that relationship were: don’t stay in a relationship you’re no longer committed to and be honest with yourself about your happiness.
Ladies, I know that the dating pool slowly turns into a pond the older you get, and our ovaries don’t exactly help the matter either. But I’ve witnessed first-hand how consequential it is to remain with someone who you know is treating you less than your worth and worse still to bring children into that equation. Honestly, don’t tolerate or accept bullshit from a man who can’t be bothered whether their actions affect you or not, in the long-term it’s not worth your sanity and self-esteem.
P.S. Always remember that you have a choice in your happiness so choose that over everything.
Love and Happiness,