I don’t have any personal experience in marriage, let alone know how to take care of a baby. However this past weekend I learnt quite a bit from family and friends at my cousin’s bridal shower, on their womanly advice to her on what she should expect in marriage.
My cousin’s older sister had asked that all the married women share any valuable advice they have on marriage with my cousin. For the rest of us whose legal status is still unmarried we just got to listen and extract anything of value for ourselves. First to speak was my cousin’s aunt – who’s been married for over 20 years – her biggest thing was that my cousin shouldn’t sleep with a doek (Americans refer to it as a bonnet) because a man is always supposed to wake up and find you still looking good. A doek, according to her, just makes him lose interest and reduces your sex appeal. Now I can’t say that rule applies across the board because I’ve grown up with a mom who’s always worn doeks when off to bed. And she’s still happily married to my dad, 30 years later.
Besides the doek story, a valuable point her aunt made was that a marriage is between you and your husband, and no one else (i.e. families, friends and strangers) should ever know the complete details of your relationship because you never know the true intentions people might have. This point was also reiterated by the other married ladies. I felt those words because I saw the value of keeping people out of my recent relationship, it meant we made more effort to be honest with one another. Plus it meant we orgasmed better because we were free to be honest expressions of ourselves. If you don’t believe me try it for yourself and be ready to experience some amazing fucking sex.
My cousin’s wife raised an interesting point of their bed being an altar. She said the bed is a symbol of the altar because in marriage it’s the one space where as a couple, their marriage will be strengthened or destroyed by the things not spoken about and the people they allow into their room. She elaborated by saying that no one except their children should be allowed to sleep on their bed because you never know what kind of energy people could bring into that space. Thus their altar is reserved for the preservation of their marriage without the influence of others. Other valuable advice that was shared was the importance of open communication, vulnerability to remaining honest, maintaining herself before and after kids because letting yourself go is not an option, divorce not being an option and marriage is fun although difficult.
T’s & C’s
I knew marriage had its own tacit contract but I learnt new ways of maintaining a marriage from hearing these T’s & C’s from women who are closer to my age than the advice I usually get from my mom and grandmother. So it was refreshing to hear parts of the stories of how these women – who with their husbands – have made the conscious decision to choose each other regardless of the highs and lows of marriage.
My biggest take-away from the advice was how important it is to be yourself, always communicate and staying sexy, for your own self-love and your man.
Love and Happiness,