This will be my first piece, in a while, that doesn’t get edited by my editor/manager (sorry), my spirit feels like rebelling so please bear with me. I guess part of my rebellion stems from the constant questions that have been swirling through my head, raw questions and thoughts that aren’t always edited. However, I was recently reminded of the technique of observing my thoughts, it teaches one how best to not have decision fatigue or cognitive dissonance.
Every day life is constantly asking that you make “wise” decisions for yourself. And let’s be honest that shit isn’t always easy to do, sometimes the decisions life asks us to make involve separating ourselves from an identity we once knew of ourselves. Imagine being asked to put an 8 year friendship aside because you suddenly realize how different and incompatible you guys have become. Well that was my reality a few weeks ago when I told a friend of 8 years that I loved her but I needed time a part from her to focus on my personal growth. The main reason for this decision was because I felt we didn’t want the same things anymore. Nothing about that decision was easy nor was it comfortable, in fact it was painful. I was angry and hurt that I was faced with the reality of contemplating a friendship I thought would withstand-the-test-of-time. I was mostly disappointed that in the years I fought for our friendship that the same couldn’t be reciprocated.
I guess the gift of time is its ability to reveal its value and the importance of utilizing it properly. I for the longest time avoided confronting truths about myself, people and circumstances because I didn’t want to appear “better than” anyone. I find it fascinating that the minute you decide to be honest with yourself – and others – they’re quick to box you as trying to be “better than” everyone. Yet isn’t the purpose of friendships, and your existence, to help you evolve and better yourself? Isn’t it meant to challenge parts of yourself that no longer serve you? Isn’t it meant to free you to shine your light? I decided it was time to free myself from a past that was bullying me to remain there. The separation between my friend and myself was the final catalyst in propelling me from my past to focus on my present.
Not my final form
If you ever grew up loving and watching Dragonball-Z you’ll remember how Goku & co would evolve into their next form once they’d learnt the lesson to level up. Well I’m going through my training to evolve into my next form. These questions and thoughts are only part of my training towards learning the pivotal lesson to my next level. For now my persistence continues to guide my steps, discover new challenges and keeps me feeling alive.
I hope that as you continue to evolve that the most important person who’s happy with themselves is you.
Love and happiness,