Flowing, not forcing

Life as I knew it took an unexpected turn a few weeks back when some close friends and I parted ways. I didn’t see this coming or happening after my post on Kintsugi – The golden mend but life plays out things in its own way. However I cannot say the parting is permanent since I don’t believe that, instead I’d say we are taking time apart. Time apart to learn and figure out what we need to learn from this shift.

The shift

Like in any relationship there’s a shift that happens, that shift could be realising you’re not in love with your partner anymore or embracing that you’re a year older. The shift is uncomfortable, scary and eye-opening, it forces you to pay attention to yourself. It’s the guiding force within that we often want to ignore because it forces us to confront ideals we had about ourselves. Ideals that we used to narrate to others about who we are yet we forget that somethings or people no longer serve you when you morph into the next phase of your life.

This year I decided to clean out the riff-raff ideals I was holding onto and part of that riff-raff was dealing with my low self-esteem and insecurities. For a long time it had chained me to a part of myself that I no longer identified with and had to resolve in order to manifest better things for myself. Part of freeing myself meant that I could no longer relate to certain things some friends did or believed to be fine. At first I had no desire in confronting it because it was fucking uncomfortable and I didn’t want to believe it was true. Even though other friends and family had told me before I still didn’t want to believe them. Also, I don’t have a huge squad of close friends so the thought of having to let go of the few I loved was scary.

That isn’t necessarily to say that that was the only factor which resulted in the dissolution of the relationships. There were other factors but it was the tipping point of the shift. A shift I didn’t want; a shift I had tried so hard to ignore and brush under the carpet; a shift that hurt because suddenly the years of friendship seemed to amount to almost nothing. And you might be asking yourself whether I tried fighting for the relationships, the answer is; I didn’t. I had nothing left in me at the end to try fight against what seemed to be inevitable. The shift had happened for all of us so if we were not collectively trying to fight for it then as individuals no-one could.

Flowing, not forcing

At some stage in a relationship the truth reveals itself and you just have to deal with it. And not in an arrogant way, but to simply accept that things have changed and that change can either serve you or derail you. It should be known that no-one just arrives at that change with complete ease, it’s a process, a process that none of us can escape because it’s the change agent.

I got to a stage where I was clear about what friendship meant to me and when people around me don’t want to hold themselves to the same standard then it’s better to let go and not force. Especially when I’m at a stage in my life where I’m no longer willing to accept the riff-raff I worked so damn hard to mend in myself. Thus I am flowing and not forcing anymore.

Love and happiness,

Nonkz

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