The Goldilocks Effect

If you can remember the fairy tale about Goldilocks then you’ll have an idea of what the Goldilocks effect might be. However if not, you’re not alone since even I didn’t know what it meant when I first heard it. The Goldilocks effect is about striking the right balance in your life. Basically it’s a space where you are not in conflict with yourself, instead you’re in alignment and harmony. A good friend first taught me this phrase when she described the stage that she’s in in her life. She called it the Goldilocks effect because of her journey to finding her right fit.

Finding your fit

It’s not always easy at first accepting that your right fit might be a few sizes bigger than you remember yourself to be. No matter how much jumping, tugging and cursing you do to try to get the item to fit. Clearly I’ve been having a few wardrobe issues recently, anyways the tugging continues because summer body. However the lesson in those moments apply much the same spiritually and mentally. There are things about who you were that no longer apply nor serve the purpose you are striving to achieve presently. Sometimes that means having the courage to ask or tell negative family members and friends to step aside as you continue on your path. A decision that’s never easy but when done from a place of love then people will sooner or later recognize your intentions and return to meet you where you are right now in your journey.  The dynamics of the improved relationship will be one that fulfils each of you spiritually, mentally and physically.

I may be experiencing a few wardrobe issues but that’s minor in comparison to the spiritual and mental growth I’ve gone through this year. This year I confronted my demons, demons that had lead me down a rabbit hole of darkness. A darkness where when sober enough I began asking myself the hard questions that had been repeatedly asked by concerned family and friends. Besides the usual things I had to confront and amend in my life the one thing I didn’t think much of had me doing most of the work. The desire for marriage and children.

After 25 many of us women begin to feel the need to incubate a baby, and to do that with the love and support of a husband. Fortunately for some ladies they find the right guy who’s in the same space and is ready to provide that support to them. I on the other hand was not fortunate enough to have the right guy when I was experiencing my hormonal changes. During that time of my change I was willing to tolerate things about my then partner which I usually wouldn’t stand for, I had settled. I settled because I thought there wasn’t going to be better out in the world and that I didn’t have the time to try meet new men when I knew I was ready. Yet fundamentally I wasn’t ready – I wasn’t ready since I was willing to sabotage myself for some bullshit. The consequence of such a decision could later result in worse results for both us, our families and perhaps even children.

Thankfully I did the work and through that process I found my right fit or rather the right balance for me. I freed myself from replaying recordings of my past and chose to instead focus on what was before me. With that I’m attracting better for myself and that was confirmed when my mom randomly commended me on how I’ve improved this year.


Gratitude has been the single most influencing and altering factor along this process. I don’t believe I would have been able to recognize everything that has become of my life without gratitude. There are always the obvious gear shifting tools that exist when we go through changes but there also the subtle yet equally important ones that assist in maintaining the change. Gratitude is subtle but it’s what keeps one aware to the world. It keeps you in check when your attitude to life tests you. Even with these great attributes the thing that gratitude truly blesses you with, is your right fit. Your right balance in life. Your Goldilocks effect.

Love and Happiness,



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