A Rose with thorns

For a long time I attached my existence to abstract notions of who and what I needed to fit into in order to feel complete. I allowed myself to measure my worth by what we are often told leads to feeling whole. Except no one tells you how empty and hurtful that existence can be.

For most of my adolescent life I went through it acting the role of who I was told to be. A role that isn’t foreign to a female i.e. kind, generous, forgiving, submissive (when necessary) and be independent but not intimidating. There’s more but the point is to have one understand the general idea of these abstract notions. More than ever how everything about them is to place you in line to being considered as “marriage material”. Whatever that really means.

I lived through them in order to shield myself from being vulnerable. Why? Because vulnerability was associated with weakness and meant that you didn’t love yourself. But the deepest fear of sharing vulnerability: being seen in your truth. Being available for people to see behind the veil.

Yet it was behind the veil where my greatest emptiness lie. It was there that I did everything to sabotage myself from myself. Worst of all I allowed my attachments to the abstract notions to become what others could use to hurt me. I became the master of crafting tools to have others kill me with in order to remain in my role. And the tools were never limited to just boyfriends or friends sometimes family as well.

When I finally came to terms with my completeness I broke free from my veil. More than ever I learnt the power of letting go. Letting go of things and people who no longer served me. And when I did that I discovered I am a Rose with thorns. A rose with thorns means it isn’t afraid of its beauty and light. It stands with purpose to serve a life greater than itself. And the thorns insure that anyone who tries approach approaches by taking responsibility before trying anything. Therefore eliminating the shit and attracting only quality.

So to you I say: let go and be a Rose with thorns.

 

blake quote

Love and Happiness,

Nonkz

IG and Twitter: @BossLady_NN

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